"Okay. I say this, because I love you."
Always beware when this is how the sentence starts. Especially if you're at dinner. With your family. On Thanksgiving.
"You're a very beautiful girl....so I want you to stop making those faces on your blog."
"I do have one request for you."
Again, be on guard when your father starts off the conversation like this. Especially when it's over Chik-fil-a, after having just picked you up from the train station.
"Stop making those ugly faces on your blog."
What is it with meals and interventions?
"Your father wonders why you keep making all of those ugly faces on your blog when you're such a pretty girl."
Does he now? When meals aren't possible, Skype conversations are a good stand-in.
And this is my family.
At least this means that they're reading my blog?
To be honest, I've never really thought of my family as being all that exciting.
We're scattered between Minnesota, Ohio, Arkansas, Georgia, Virginia, Pennsylvania, and Boston/San Francisco.
The only time we really get together is for holidays, and then it's just usually with one side of my family, and the other Skypes in after dinner.
Assuming we have anyone over at all.
This year was a big change because we're currently spending Thanksgiving up in Ohio with my aunt and grandfather.
Family dinners! Questions about school! How do I work this piece of technology? Bacon is the root of all evil! I will pay you all the money in the world if you eat all of your food! Let her tell her story! I worry about you. When did you get so tall? People from California aren't quite right.
You've got to move your big feet! Learn to cough into your elbow. Tell me the name of this university you applied to again. Oh. This is Duck Dynasty. It's wonderful. She doesn't need to watch her language when she's busy screwing over her child! Your daughter wrote that.
I need you two to help me flip my mattress. What is that thing in the bathroom? Dad, would you like to tell her the story? Her generation's not known for its higher thinking skills. Play on your own side!! Soon it'll just be me and your father. You should never have let her play with the magnetic poetry.
We drove seven hours to Ohio yesterday night/evening. I drove through a snowstorm, my dad helped clear a fallen tree from the road, my mom slept for most of the time, my sister ran through at least half of a box of tissues, I exposed them all to the wonders of Night Vale, and an Amish buggy was our only company for a little while.
Today we had a family breakfast, toured the Frito Lay plant where my aunt works, and had Thanksgiving dinner at a local inn, where the third intervention in four days took place.
We Skyped with our Minnesota branch, and then sat around my aunt's TV and watched more episodes of Duck Dynasty than was probably healthy (and it was wonderful).
Right now my aunt, parents, and sister are playing Mexican Train in the kitchen (You can tell how much your family loves you based on whether or not they're willing to make a Mexican train for you. I'll put you on a Mexican Train!), and my Grandpa is snoring in the recliner next to me while I watch Modern Family and write this post.
It's been nice. Really nice. We should do this more often.
Modern Family is really hard to concentrate through, in case you wondered.
My family is loud, occasionally obnoxious, outspoken, sometimes like a reenactment of My Big Fat Greek Wedding, and they're wonderful.
Happy Thanksgiving, everyone!
Oh, and here, Auntie Sue, Mom, and Dad, is a better picture of me.